London's Birth Story

    Lets sort of start somewhere in the middle....

When we had our second ultrasound (also the gender ultrasound), it was truly a remarkable experience. AJ and I were so nervous to find out if we were having a little boy or girl. I think it was a combination of being able to really see that there was a baby in there and what our future held. Really, once we knew what we were having it all became real. I went into the ultrasound hoping for a girl but semi-convinced it was a boy. I kept saying "oh you can see HIM really well" and "look at HIS little legs and arms", until the ultrasound tech said "well, maybe you should start saying HER... Its a girl!!!" I started to cry the happiest tears and AJ even shed a tear or two. I always wanted to have a girl first since I grew up with all boys and AJ only has brothers. AJ refused to give an opinion about which he wanted more until we were in the waiting room. He said, "gun to my head, I want it to be a girl." We were both over-the-moon excited! It became REAL.

Before the ultrasound was over, the tech measured everything to make sure we were on track. She did find one problem, I had a low lying placenta (placenta previa). This happens when the placenta attaches to the uterus too close to the birth canal where the baby is supposed to exit. She explained what this meant for the rest of the pregnancy. We were also placed on pelvic rest, which meant no hanky-panky until the next ultrasound.  (Apparently, it's hotter when forbidden... we didn't make it). We would have to watch and wait to see if it gradually moved up as the uterus expanded with the growth of the baby. If the placenta remained too low, I would have to give birth by C-section. If I tried giving birth the natural way the placenta could rupture and I could bleed out and risk the baby. So no biggy right? Ha! This scared me and ruined our plans of having AJ "catch" the baby as it was being born. I just really wanted him to be the first to touch/hold our little girl and to have that bonding experience. At 7 months we had another ultrasound to check the placenta again. I also had them double-check the gender just to make sure it was still a girl because I felt like it might be too good to be true and sure enough she was still a she. :) It was great news though! The placenta moved up and out of the way. Plan A was back on track....

Until......

At 35 weeks we started going to our weekly appointments, each time my doctor gave me the option to be checked or not. The first two appointments I opted not too because she said it was uncomfortable and she didn't want to start anything too early just in case. By the third week I was just curious about whether or not I was dilated or moving along. (I had a co-worker who was due 2 weeks before me and we'd swap stories and she was progressing and I still hadn't been checked, so I was going nuts). At week 38 (Friday, July 18 in the morning) I had them check me. The doc was right, that is uncomfortable! As soon as she checked me she noticed that baby girl's 'head' was a little squishy and she couldn't feel the skull bones. What?! I went to get another ultrasound with a lab tech which clearly showed that baby girl hadn't gotten the "head-down" memo and she was breech. Then the doc said to go home and she'd be contacting me once she had a chance to review the ultrasound. Um, ok!? So I got a call from her later that day and she gave me my options but she still wasn't able to get the ultrasounds. She scheduled us to come to labor and delivery 'unofficially' that Sunday while she was on-call to give us another ultrasound so she could see exactly what could happen.

Our three options:
- Schedule a C-Section
- Try to flip baby girl externally (External Cephalic Version 50% success rate and the baby can turn right back around). If she turned, they would induce me right away, if not they would take me immediately to have a C-section.
- We could wait and see if she turned on her own as my due date was still two weeks away.

Once she did the ultrasound, she determined that there was still enough amniotic fluid to be able to turn her, but that she would likely not turn on her own. The doctor immediately stated that she wouldn't deliver the baby breech because it is too dangerous for the baby and has an extremely painful recovery IF successful, but most often will result in an emergency C-section anyway.

She left the room and gave us some time to think it over and make our decision. I wanted to exhaust all efforts to have a regular delivery, so we decided that on Tuesday, July 22 at 6 am we would be back at the hospital to try and flip baby girl. If that was successful we would induce, if unsuccessful we would have the C-section immediately after. I was able to get as much stuff wrapped up at work as I could on Monday and Tuesday we would have a baby. AJ and I sat in the car for almost a full hour with a dear-in-the-headlights look saying, 'uh, we're having a baby... on Tuesday." I will tell you what, its crazy not knowing when the exact time your baby is going to come, but it is FREAKY when you actually have a date and time. We immediately called family and friends to let them know so they could schedule time to be there, then we went to Costco and the grocery store to stock up on food and any last minute items we might need for the next month.

I worked until 7:00 the night before and let everyone at work know that would be my last day before maternity leave (I was really hoping to finish out the month because my pipeline was HUGE, but oh well, baby comes first). AJ's parents came up that night and took us out to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and hung out with us before the BIG day. We went home, laid in bed completely freaking out, pondering what life would be like with a baby. I wasn't allowed to eat anything after midnight in case I had to do the C-section so I ate a LOT at dinner.

The alarm went off at 5:00, I showered and got ready, did my hair, put makeup on and got dressed. I figured I'd look good when there were going to be lots of pictures taken. AJ could barely eat anything he was so nervous. We packed our bags and everything in the car and we were on our way to the hospital.

We were admitted to labor and delivery, were assigned our gigantic, NICE room (we're talking really nice). My window overlooked my office which was weird, but cool. I got changed into the gown and hopped on the bed. The put the IV in, strapped a heart monitor to my belly to track the baby's heartbeat, and to detect if I was having any contractions. Then we waited. AJ's parents got there and my mom and grandma were there shortly after. We all took pictures and talked about the event. Everyone was getting excited to finally meet baby girl. The doc came in and did another ultrasound to make sure the baby was still breech, everyone got to watch and they were so excited. Then everyone but AJ was excused from the room and the doc had another doctor come in to help with the version (turning baby girl, is apparently a two person job). They briefed me on what would happen. They would try turning her one way, if it didn't work they'd try the other way, and then one more try the original way, then they would be done. They monitored baby girl's heartbeat after every turn because it is very traumatic for and hard on the baby.

Here's how it went... Enter EXTREME PAIN! My doctor took her hands and placed them on the lowest part on my belly, dug them in underneath baby and began to lift her toward my ribcage, then doc 2 proceeded to push the baby's head and back the left and down. All while telling me to breathe and relax. I wanted to kill them, but I was pretty much writhing in agony, tears streaming down my face and the only way to alleviate some of the pain was to not relax but push against the pain which is counter productive. Poor AJ was sobbing because he was watching me go through something so terrible. He said he could see the outline of the baby in my stomach while they were doing this too.. Well, attempt #1 was a FAIL. Baby girl was just as breech as ever, her heart rate elevated slightly but she was still fine. Attempt #2 again, the worst pain I've ever experienced. On the scale from smiley  face to frowny face, um... it was off the charts terrible. Attempt #2 FAIL.... Attempt # 3, non existent! If one and two didn't work I sure as heck wasn't going through that one more time. That would be CRAZY. Plus emotionally I couldn't do it, I was worried about the baby, worried about me. Frustrated that I couldn't have a natural birth. Sad, because I felt like I failed in some way. I was a wreck. I sobbed uncontrollably for a solid 10 minutes afterward while AJ held me. The parents of course wanted back in before I went off to surgery, but I refused to have anyone but AJ and the sweet nurse see me like that. The nurse cracked a few jokes to help cheer me up, gave me a few "this is why a C-section is better" tips and then prepped me for surgery. They had the anesthesiologist explain what was going to happen, they had AJ go change and told me he couldn't be there for the epidural, luckily the changed their minds and just him go in with me. I couldn't remember anything they said. They wheeled me into the operating room and gave me some warmed blankets because I was shaking uncontrollably. I was petrified. The numbed the area where they were going to give me the epidural. AJ kept holding my hands telling me it would all be ok. I kept saying "I shouldn't have let you knock me up". Not regretful, just terrified of the procedure and having a baby. The nurses and doctor kept cracking jokes which totally helped. The epidural went great, except I immediately got nauseous and asked for medicine to quell it. The anesthesiologist didn't get it quick enough because right when they made the first cut, I puked and got some on AJ (he's such a trooper).

It is the weirdest sensation, I was present, I could feel where my legs and body were but I couldn't feel what was happening to them. Then they said the baby will be coming out and you will feel some tugging. Well, violent jolt was more like it. Turns out baby girl's bum was lodged into my pelvis and wasn't going anywhere. They said AJ do you want to see her? And he stood up right as they had pulled her out and she started to cry her very first cries. I can't fully describe the look on his face, but it was full of awe and wonderment and he started to cry. He said "that's our baby girl, she's perfect!" "Can I go see her?" I said, yes. I wanted him to be with her more than anything since I couldn't at that moment. The doc vacuumed me out and sewed me up. AJ came over with the baby once she had been wiped off a little and he gave her to me. Then they wheeled baby girl and me into our room. It was just AJ, me and unnamed baby girl. I wanted a few minutes alone, just the three of us so we could settle on her name and just be in the moment. We said a little prayer, thanking heavenly father for this wonderful, healthy little girl. Then we decided on her name. London Sophia Mortensen was born at 9:12 AM on Tuesday, July 22, 2014. She weighed 8 lbs even and she was 21 inches long with a full head of dark hair. We were so in love.

The recovery was difficult, I couldn't twist, sit up, walk, laugh, or cough without a little pain. When they tried putting London on me so I could feed her, it was a huge disappointment because my milk hadn't let down, so there was nothing for her and she was frantic. She never latched properly and her blood sugar was low from the start, so I never stood a chance. She was bottle fed from day 1. I tried breastfeeding and pumping for 4 months before I just gave up. I felt extremely inadequate and like a failure because I couldn't do the most basic thing that seemed so easy for everyone else. I came to terms. It's different for everyone. Peeing for the first time brought me to tears because I realized my muscles were all different and I didn't know how to do it anymore. I had a pretty bad case of postpartum depression. I think it was a combination of the pain medicine, difficult recovery, difficulty breastfeeding, feelings of inadequacy as a parent, having to do it all on our own with very little help from anyone else (No week of mothering, just straight parenthood), and just the change that is having a baby. No one could have prepared me for any of it and that's just reality.

Most of all though, every time we look at our little London, we are overcome with love and happiness and excitement for our future with her. I have never loved anyone like I love her and I can say that about AJ too. Its just so different. The more time I have to know her the more I love her and I am certain that won't ever change.

AJ & Me + Baby Makes THREE!

The ultrasound above was taken at 6 1/2 weeks (12/4/13). It was our first doctors visit and we were unsure of how far along I actually was. My period had been very regular until August, and it was MIA ever since. I even took a few pregnancy tests in September, but all were negative. So we were pretty confused about what was going on.

Then when it didn't show up again in November I bought some more expensive pregnancy tests and took one. Side Note: I went to Walmart to buy said tests and I had some gum and prenatal vitamins too and the cashier lady looked at my purchases and before I left said "good luck!" I thought it was pretty hilarious. Then on the morning of 11/20/13 I got my first positive pregnancy test result. I remember not looking at it for as long as possible telling myself that I wasn't pregnant and that there was probably just something wrong with me. I didn't feel pregnant or anything. When I finally looked down at it, it was like I got the wind knocked out of me. (In a good way). and then I started crying/gasping/laughing. It was a huge mix of emotions, but I was excited. It sucked because I had to go to work and figure out a way to tell AJ. It was the. longest. day. ever! On my lunch break I bought him a hiking backpack/child carrier that he had seen and mentioned that he wanted when the time came. Then I went home, but the carrier in the entryway with a note and the positive pregnancy test so he could be surprised when he got home. I waited FOREVER for him to call me just so I could talk to someone about it!!!! When he called me, he was so surprised and excited. After I got home, we talked about it some more, he immediately got on the phone and scheduled the first doctors appointment. Then I ditched class that night and we went to dinner to celebrate. It was a cool day.

When my doctor first checked me she was fairly confident that I was 16 weeks along.  I about had a heart attack! My pregnancy would have already been a third over without me realizing I was even pregnant. After she had done her thing, she started scanning my belly with a radio ultrasound gadget to see if she could hear the heartbeat. She wasn't able to find it but said that it was fine and that doing an ultrasound would be more accurate.

We were led to the ultrasound room and the tech started scanning my belly and he couldn't find anything. I'm just thinking to myself, am I even pregnant!? Did these people even test that before they started doing all these things? So we did a vaginal ultrasound and quickly found the tiny-grain-of-rice-sized nugget of a baby. The above picture is what we got. It was amazing because we could see the heart beating before we could hear it. We could have watched that little flutter all day long. It was surreal and awesome.

Good Ole Teddy

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs. Even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in that grey twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.

-Theodore (Teddy) Roosevelt-

WOW

In the last two months:

-We became residents of Salt Lake City leaving our beloved Cedar City behind. I applied for a job posted on facebook for a mortgage company in SLC not thinking anything of it. Next thing I know, I'm being offered a job during my interview. So I said yes, that day we looked for apartments, and I started two weeks later, the Monday after AJ's graduation. We didn't have a house lined up or anything. For a month I lived with my aunt and uncle during the week and drove to Cedar on the weekend. AJ quit his job at SUU and worked at my grandpa's ranch and lived down there while he applied for a job in SLC.

-AJ GRADUATED!!!!!!!!! He now has a Bachelor's degree in Biology with emphases in  Zoology, Chemistry, and Human Anatomy. Yay!!!!! This was the best thing ever. I went all out for his party and made a TON of food and got really crafty with the decorations. I was really proud of myself but I'm even more proud of AJ. He has worked really hard to finish! Now he's studying for the GRE and will apply for his masters programs in the fall.

-We both found jobs and love them. After 5 years of a job I despised, I am so grateful I now have the opportunity to work somewhere awesome with people that make me laugh pretty much all day. It's wonderful. AJ just started a job at a hospital! He is really liking the hustle-bustle of it and enjoys working with so many people.

-Our new apartment is beautiful, not quite as big or cheap as our last one. Its really nice and it really feels like we aren't living in a city which I love most about it. And BONUS we even have a garage. Its fantastic.

-We visited my brother and his fiancee in Houston. I attended my first non-mormon bachelorette party (no strippers). It was a fun experience and I was glad to have the opportunity to be there for my soon-to-be sister in law. AJ and my brother got their first straight shaves and loved them. I'm glad we got to be there and be with them.

-We went to beautiful, sunny Hawaii for my brother's wedding. We moved, then boarded a plane three days later. Our flight into San Francisco was slightly delay and we almost missed our connection to Honolulu. So close the airline had confirmed reservations on the next flight which wasn't until the next day. Luckily we made it. I found that it is extremely difficult to pack for an 8 day vacation when everything you own is in suitcases or boxes. It was fantastic, i wish there had been more beach time. The resort was beyond amazing and I loved it! I'll post pictures if I have time. I'm so excited to have a new sister, she is amazing and I'm really glad my brother is so happy! Our travel back to the mainland was a nightmare. Our flight was delayed 3 hours, we boarded then were asked to de-board the plane, then they cancelled the flight all together. We then were re routed through Denver to Vegas after spending the night on the SFO airport floor. When we got to Denver our next flight was delayed over an hour and finally got to Vegas a day later than we were originally scheduled. Then we had to drive 6-7 hours back home to SLC. It was awful. But we made it home just in time to unpack our completely unorganized and boxed up house.

-While in Hawaii we went scuba diving! I don't normally get seasick, but I got a  little queasy but once we descended into the water it was amazing! Sea turtles swam so close I could touch them. We swam through lava tubes and touched the ocean floor 40 feet underwater. It was a really incredible experience. Once I surfaced I puked, then I felt better until I got on the boat. I was in total control until we were nearing the marina I lost it and proceeded to hurl off the side of the boat until we docked. It was lovely. AJ handled it like a champ and is literally counting down until we can certify.

There you have it folks. We're big city people now. Its an adjustment and I mainly miss my nice canyon breeze that smelled wonderful every second of the day in Cedar. I can't complain though, our new life is so fun and I love it.

Happy Fourth of July! May your fireworks be bright!

Change

Someone once said that change is the only constant in life. Well that may be true, some changes happen a bit more slowly and gradually than others. The changes in my life however seem to come all at once. So here's to hoping that the upcoming changes will be not quite as scary and overwhelming as I think they're going to be. At the very least I'll be extremely busy.

.Lately.

Well I'm crazy behind on like everything. Since January we dropped off AJ's little bro Bert off at the MTC (Missionary Training Center) so he could prepare to serve a mission in Colorado Springs, CO. We're so proud of him! 

 

 

It was a really long drive.

Aren't we photogenic?

 We've been heading south quite often, this trip my grandpa's pond was frozen over. So Sam, AJ, and I decided to play on it. Doesn't that look sweet?  I was the only one brave enough to go pretty far out onto it and jump really hard on it.

The ice melting made cool little designs in the ice.

 We have been feeling really cooped up because its been so cold out. So we made Sam come with us on a night hike. It was very cold, hence the puffy jacket and grainy photo.

 Last weekend we enjoyed some warmer weather and play racketball, and went mountain biking. The sunshine and warthm was delightful! Unfortunately we came home to 30 degree temps.

Here's to hoping warmer weather finds itself in our neck of the wood. SOON.

PerFecTion

Perfection is silly. What it means and how its attempted are different for everyone. Its very subjective.

I've found that putting my best foot forward or pretending that my life is perfect ALL the time is an exhausting. Why do I do it? Why does anyone... In the age of internet friendships and blog journals i find that oftentimes people pretend their lives are perfect and nothing ever goes wrong. I don't mean airing all your dirty laundry all over public domains, but admitting challenges and hardships. It's something I HATE doing. In my life I feel that this pretending alienates people, even your closest friends.

My life is not perfect. I am not perfect. I make the best decisions I can with the information I have. I over-analyze everything and devalue my contributions to things easily. I compare myself to nearly everyone and often feel inferior to this or that. I have friends but have become so comfortable just helping them, that I forget they are there to help me too and rarely give them the opportunity to do so. I am constantly in awe of people who can easily admit they have trouble with one thing or another. Because isn't it a combination of our imperfections and perfections that really make us unique and relatable?

I am a very private person, but often I use this as an exuse not to be vulnerable in even my closest relationships. I suppose I could use different excuses that lead up to why. But the bottom line is that everyday is an opportunity to change. For example, last week really sucked. Nothing seemed to go as planned or work out. I really wanted AJ to have a fun spring break because he's been really stressed out this semester and has a terrible case of senioritis. But thing after thing went wrong, and to top it off I was blamed for something I didn't even do. Complaining to my husband wouldn't have been effective since my ultimate goal was to make his week better. So after a bunch of written and deleted messages I finally just vented to a friend of mine. While its not the first time I've done this, its one of the only times it's happened and it was really difficult. Not because I was worried about her reaction or anything, but because of my fear of admiting that I was having a difficult time with something, anything.

I was actually surprised at how much better I felt after something so simple. Its silly really, but I'm trying to be better and do scary things. So its a start.

Happy Valentines Day

Sometimes in the middle of an ordinary life, LOVE gives us a Fairy Tale!

So, my fairy tale involves a huge box of Lucky Charms from my love! (And of course some gorgeous Lilies) Different strokes for different folks!

p.s. I've been obsessed with the magical deliciousness that is
Lucky Charms, so it's basically perfection!

HaPpY VaLeNtInEs DaY!

A lil boost in Morale

Today has been kinda cool!

I just looked at my program schedule and grades and it officially says that I am 50% complete (through the completion of all internships) with a 4.0! Woohoo! I'm counting that as a major win. Especially since the last class was one of the worst and hardest yet, although nothing compared to my current class. Four 8 page assessment and treatment plans with a paper of justification. I guess this torture is what I pay the BIG money for. Weirdly, I love it.

And.......

AJ just got his first "Preparing for Graduation" email telling him to order his cap and gown along with graduation announcements. In roughly 3 months we will finally be saying sionara to SUU! You better believe that I'm already planning the party and it isn't going to be anything small!

Color us excited!

Oh and whilst I'm hating life with homework for the next few weeks. I will be dreaming of when i get to be here..........

Thought of the day.

All the water in the world
No matter how it tried
Could never sink the smallest ship
Unless it got inside.
All the evil of the world
... And every kind of sin
Could never damn a human soul
Unless we let it in.

My cousin's wife posted this and I thought I'd steal it. Very true though.