A little insight.

So I was having a conversation the other day with AJ.  We were discussing the idea of a "Soul Mate" or "The One".  Ever since we first started dating he was of the belief that any good man and any good woman could make a marriage work.  I, of course, hated this logic being a girl and all.  In a way it takes all of the romance and the mystery out of marrying someone or searching for The One.  Also, I think i was kind of offended at this logic, I didn't want my marriage just to be about two people that were good, making it work.  I wanted waaay more than that, the happily ever after, the amazing love story of an eternity.... Yup, I'm a girl.

Anyway, I have grown up thinking that there is The One... Not necessarily a Soul Mate, but the one your destined to find and marry.  My parents always told me that they knew they were the ones for each other and they had divine experiences that made them come to that knowledge.  Well, if you know anything about my family's current situation I have recently come to find that my parents are completely full of CRAP!  I know my mother has never thought for two seconds that she was supposed to marry my dad or that he was her Soul Mate at least.  Tragic really.  Recent events have got me thinking....

I think that the logic of Mr. Kimball (i think that's who it is anyway) was correct.  If there is a Soul Mate or The One and you think for two seconds that you are only destined for one person, I believe that you are wrong.  Here is why... People have their right to choose and God will not take that away.  If you make bad choices, you have bad consequences.  Believing that something is fated takes away that right to choose.  Predestination takes away any person's agency.  The idea that no matter what you do you will end up where you're supposed to.  If you marry the person you felt was sooo right for you and God confirms that choice, it doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there that wouldn't work as well for you, it just means that the one you chose you can be happy with if you make it work.  I do believe that there are maybe a couple of people that will make you the happiest and the best that you can be, however I doubt that it is limited to one, but never fated because there is always a choice.

In my parent's case... I have constantly been told that they knew they were supposed to marry each other.  Maybe so, cause I'm here writing this.  But they got married because God told them they should.  Now my mom is saying that her real Soul Mate is someone else.  The idea that this other man is her soul mate and the one she should have married in the beginning is just a way for her not to have accountability for her actions.  If you marry someone thinking they are your soul mate, and then later decide that someone else is your soul mate and you really should have been with them all along destroys marriages and lives and is just an excuse people use to take away their agency and accountability so they can blame God when they screw up and make poor decisions.

I still say that we are capable of making good decisions in our choice of a mate and for the most part people end up super happy with their spouse.  I know I am.  When I was trying to decide whether or not AJ was the one, I never really got an answer.  I fasted and I prayed and did all of the things I was supposed to, but nothing.  Talk about frustrating, especially since I was always told you have to know for sure.  The thing is, it was my decision to make, not God's.  I was trying to make him tell me what to do, and he won't do that.  I knew enough about AJ and our relationship that I knew we would be great together and that he was everything I could have wanted and all of the things I never knew to ask for in a future husband and father.  I didn't get an answer because I already knew everything I needed to.  As it was my decision to say 'yes' over the alter, any decisions from then on are what will make or break me.  I own my decisions and can blame no one else for them but me.  There is power in that, God can guide but he won't make you do anything.  Your slip ups are your slip ups.  You will only ever be as happy as you make your mind up to be.

My aunt gave me advice before I got married that I never quite understood until a couple months ago.  She  wasn't given an answer either. She said that the minute you decide to get married, you decided, you made the committment and you don't look back, you just move forward making the best decisions possible from then on.  So this is my advice to you.  I earnestly believe that any of the guys that I dated, I could have been happy with.  But because I didn't settle and because I made sure that I had all of the things that I wanted in a husband, I got someone amazing.  While, I may have been guided to my husband, I made the choice to marry him. I did my homework enough to know that I would be happy with him.  Do the same.